The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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