Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just pee around me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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