did you get engaged???
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
