My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
