I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I currently don't understand fingers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
