the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
