Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
