his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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