u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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