dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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