yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
