omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
