she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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