Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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