I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
