does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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