Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was CRYING into my vagina
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
