this beer tastes like vomit already
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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