You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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