If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
