Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I've blown a few things in my day
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize