worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
