Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
