What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
