I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
