If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
