a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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