I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
operation have a gay friend backfired
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
