Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
