u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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