Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
