Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
