my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
