Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
