Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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