did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
