that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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