my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
