I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
