I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
