you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
