Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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