I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
