I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize