first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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