"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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