I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
