i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think i got beer on your cat.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
