your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
