Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
