haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
