i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
