my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
