We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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