If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
