dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
