I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
