He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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