ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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