How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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