It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
