Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
