And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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