life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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