I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
