I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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