woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
