Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize