so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
