we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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