I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
