How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
