After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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