grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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