I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
