Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
