so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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