Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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