Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
