It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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