no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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