i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
