he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
