im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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