There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
