I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
