That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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