you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
