im so drunk with asians
where?
always
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Pooping to opera.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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