woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
