He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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