Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
