Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
