Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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