as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
