Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
