I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
