shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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