Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
