Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
