So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
