I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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